One day I am going to be King. I will wake up and they will say "King me0w so beautiful and brave! Bring forth justice and virtue!" I'll hide my track marks, put on my tiara and waltz about in the finest clothes. I will wade through the filth and grant small mercies where I may. I will fool them all.

When I am King there will be no more football. Superstars will not collect barrels of bullion while the plebs choke on dust mote sandwiches on rye. When I am King the drug of choice will be greatness balanced by large helpings of humble pie.

When I am King there will be rose coloured caps and transparent glasses. Words will hold their truth and the emperor will share his clothes. When I am King there will be many Queens with arms that comfort and discipline.

When I am King ...